Safety Is The Death of Liberty

Fire safe cigarettes are the stupidest idea ever. I don’t know if you’ve heard about these things yet, but here’s the deal: Because a few idiots didn’t know how to put out their cigarettes before they passed out and as a result burned down their houses and killed their families, we all get to smoke cigarettes that taste like shit and make your throat and head hurt.

But they are "fire safe" meaning they go out on their own if you aren't smoking them anymore.

Not only did we not have a choice about switching to fire safe cigarettes, they didn’t even bother telling anyone. I was smoking these things for a couple of weeks and wondering why I didn’t enjoy smoking anymore. I was putting out cigarettes that I didn’t finish and I fucking love to smoke. I just thought they were stale or something. I also noticed I was getting headaches but didn’t attribute it to the cigarettes, because, why would I? I have been smoking for years and never gotten headaches. Seriously, headaches from cigarettes?

So imagine my lack of surprise when I’m reading a local news story out about the spiffy new ingredient they’re including in all the cigarettes in Kentucky that is supposed to make them go out after several seconds of no inhaling.

Mostly people were complaining about the taste, but a few people mentioned headaches.

It turns out that these yummy new cigs that everyone is raving about became a state law on April 1st. They’re also state law in Illinois, New York, and several other states in the nation. By next year they’ll be state law in about seventy percent of all US states.

If you’re wondering if your cigarettes are “fire safe” and haven’t noticed the fact that a brand you used to enjoy started tasting like ass, just check above the bar code for FSC. If that FSC is there you are smoking a glue that has been proven to cause tumors in rats.

But, hey, it keeps drunk people from killing children with house fires. Or at least that’s what the chemical is supposed to do, make them fire safe. Even though they are, in fact, burning leaves.

Actually, from all accounts they don’t work so well. They don’t go out in 10 seconds like they’re supposed to. They seem to burn just as long as the old ones. There’s already been at least one fire attributed to a fire safe cigarette.

And I guess that would be fine if you like having an especially toxic chemical added to your already toxic chemicals, but not only are they not fire safe, they have a propensity to burn the fuck out of you while you’re smoking them. Little bits of the fiery glue sometimes fall off the cigarettes and land on your finger. I know this, because that was the other thing I noticed was different about my cigarettes recently. I’ve had my fingers burned from smoking more times recently that I have in the entire fifteen years I’ve smoked. From what I’ve read, fire safe cigarettes also have a tendency to lose their entire cherries which then fall onto your couch or carpet or lap. Reportedly, there is already a lawsuit in California involving a fatal car crash caused by the smoking cherry of a fire safe cigarette.

Simply put, the things don’t work. They do not make fire safer, because that’s kind of the person’s job with the fire in the first fucking place.

Not only don’t they work as intended, they’re also making a lot of people sick. Do a Google search for “FSC cigarettes” and read for yourself. There are plenty of first hand horror stories to make you quickly realize just what a bad idea this really was. Even if only a fraction of the stories are truly caused by fire safe cigarettes it’s entirely too many.

Yet, like the smoking bans in public places this was never something anyone was allowed to vote on. And at least with the smoking bans most people knew they were coming. Most people that are smoking “fire safe” cigarettes don’t even realize a dangerous chemical has been added to their product.

And I know it’s rather ironic to talk about cigarettes making people sick since that is typically the end result of years of smoking. But the key word in that last sentence is years. There are some really sick people who’ve only been smoking fire safe cigarettes from a few weeks to a few months.

If you wanted to make a whole nation of people quit smoking what would be the easiest way to do it?

How about killing them?

Just think of all the money they’ll save on long term health care either making people quit who can’t smoke their poisoned smokes or killing the people who can’t quit.

To the government that thought this was a really good idea, I say this:

Fuck you. You put poison in my poison. I will smoke your poison and laugh.

Then die.